Feeling Stuck
How do you break through a writing rut?
Last week, I wrote about how meaningful it is to me that I am moving to a new house. We closed on the house yesterday, which I thought would free my mind a bit, but it hasn’t, so let’s talk about breaking through writing ruts.
First, some housekeeping:
CLASSES AND SERVICES I AM OFFERING:
DIY Book Publicity + Marketing: Thursday, August 22, 1 pm-2:30 pm EST
Cost: $150
This class teaches you how to craft a pitch for podcasts, influencers, and more. We will review best practices for authors pitching themselves, effective ways to find contacts, and how to cultivate relationships with people who cover books.
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Book Publishing 110: Tuesday, September 10, 1 pm-2:30 PM EST
COST: $100
In this class, I will teach you the basics of the publishing industry, such as:
What happens after a book is acquired?
How editorial meetings can make or break an acquisition.
Indie bookstores vs B&N vs Amazon.
How publishers determine on-sale dates.
Questions you should ask your publisher.
How publishers decide what books should have certain budgets for marketing and publicity.
How first printings are determined.
Paid marketing: what it means and looks like.
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REGISTER HERE.
Chaos in my house, chaos in my head
If you’ve ever moved, you know how chaotic your old house feels while you wait to move into the new one. As I type this, I am surrounded by boxes, which drive me up the wall. I have ADHD, so I suffer when there is a disruption in my routine. Even a change of time for an appointment can knock my day out of whack. I take medication for it and execute coping strategies, but sometimes my brain just short wires.
I’ve been thinking of some good topics to write about and coming up empty for now. I know this is temporary, and I would say to any writer going through a tough spot: you will find your way. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but allowing yourself some grace with the understanding that you will get back to your WIP is important. Forcing creativity rarely works. It has the opposite effect on me: I rebel against myself and eat some ice cream. I may even go for a swim. Maybe it’s not rebelling; perhaps it’s self-care.
You can’t outrun yourself
If avoidance were an Olympic sport, I would win a gold medal. I try to outrun uncomfortable feelings all the time. Sitting with uncomfortable feelings while staying the course is one of the hardest things to do. I can’t suddenly switch my career (I tried it many times, and it never worked) or turn myself into someone I am not. I allow myself to feel what I feel—which right now is the desire to write helpful posts for you—and move through it. Writing this is helping me move through feelings of inadequacy.
My point is that you are enough. You don’t have to change the core of who you are to get through a writing rut.
Finding inspiration
Sometimes, I will scroll through Twitter/X to see what’s happening in book publishing (Threads isn’t great for publishing news yet). Today, I saw that The Booker Prize longlist was announced. It inspired me to write this post to tell you that the best way to expand your reading pallet is to read long-listed books for literary awards. I did this in 2018, and if I hadn’t, I would have never read There There by Tommy Orange, one of my favorite books.
Other times, I will talk shop with friends, and a topic will strike me as interesting. Then, there are days when I stare at the bay and allow my mind to wander. Finding inspiration in the smallest ways can prompt you to write.
The comparison trap
Over the past two weeks, I’ve read news about people in the industry that made me feel like I don’t matter. That is a hangup of mine that I am working on. It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. I have a terrible habit of seeing where my peers are (usually in executive positions at publishing houses) and automatically thinking, “Why am I not in that position?” The answer is that I didn’t want to be in that position.
Comparing ourselves to others is a trap. You don’t know what personal stuff is happening in someone’s life! We only see a sliver of people on social media and platforms like Substack. You may think someone has it together because they have a certain number of followers or subscribers, but they are probably just as insecure as the next person.
Define success for yourself by celebrating small wins
It’s a win that I am writing this at the moment because I hadn’t planned on writing anything. I’m more tired than inspired, but I know I am not alone. Break it down for yourself, and don’t beat yourself up for “only” writing a page. You wrote a page! That is good news!
I need to take my advice because I am an “all-or-nothing” person. It’s hard to feel comfortable in the middle ground, but I am learning that it is okay to complete tasks in small brackets of time rather than freeze because I think it must all get done at once.
Sometimes, my reward is something as simple as a smoothie. Other times, I make a deal with myself to finish a certain amount of tasks so I can read for pleasure at the end of the day.
But I still need to figure out what to write about next.
I hope what I wrote helped some of you, but I am still stuck on what to write about in this space next! I have a list of topics, but none strike me as interesting, so please give me some ideas in the comments.
Happy Writing,
Kathleen
END NOTES:
What I’m Reading: Liars by Sarah Manguso, which I just started and will have more to say.
What I’m Listening to: The water in the bay outside of my house :)
What I’m Watching: Since buying a new house, I have become utterly addicted to Fixer-Upper on the Magnolia Network.
What I’m Buying: SO MUCH house stuff. I have a new bedroom set for the first time in my adult life…and will be 52 next month.
Thank you for publishing this one! I write but I also...publish books and I'd like to coat-tail on Kathleen's post with a recentish experience.
I run an independent publisher but I also write. Which means I know what deadlines mean and how 'slippage' sets off a chain of changed pub dates and blows up the marketing plans. Yet, my finally-published-in-September 2023 book was nearly two years late. WHY?
The WHY nearly broke me. I couldn't figure out why I was paralyzed when faced with my own generative work. I started working to unravel it. A trusted editor friend who read a first draft gave me cheeky feedback. We're friends, my heart knew it was funny but my brain short-circuited and landed on a rumination cycle of not-being good enough, not having the academic bone fides, not, not, not...you get the idea. Totally paralyzed.
I was doing all my other work and lots of it, but I wasn't making progress on the book. I felt sick and lost and like a failure. It was the pandemic days, I theoretically had nothing but time at home to work. There should have been zero reason for the rut. I implemented strategies like going away from family and distractions to a remote cabin for a summer to focus and write. (Got a little more done.) But ultimately I was stalled and feeling like my mental health was tanking.
My brilliant kid sat me down after a year of this and said, 'Hey ma, I was working with my therapist and we've done the assessments; I'm officially AuADHD. You know it runs in families and our family is pretty weird. You may want to explore that as a reason why you're feeling so horrible.' The kid was absolutely spot on correct.
Consulted with my doc and specialists and at age 52 was diagnosed AuADHD. Knowing this unlocked an entirely new path forward and allowed me to reframe my entire past. Without boring you with details, I was stuck in a pattern I had experienced my entire life. (Did you know that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and Pathological Advoidance are ADHD traits/symptoms often experienced by women? A real eye-opener!) I had learned healthy and unhealthy coping skills that I immediately re-assesed. I got medication support. And after a few months, I was back on track and feeling more like my better self. It wasn't a single thing, but doing all the little things and giving myself the space to be a human with a spicy brain. I broke out of the paralyis rut and finished the book.
The experience made me a better editor and co-worker. I understand myself more and have stopped getting wrapped around the axle when I feel the stress of not fitting in with the normies. When you're in a rut for longer than you're personally comfortable, it is valuable to do a bit of gentle self-interrogation to discover causal factors then give yourself the grace and space to resolve those issues in a manner that works for you.
Oh, if you like and trust your agent or editor...consider letting them know about your issues. They may have tools and strategies to assist as well.
I got obsessed with Fixer-Upper when I was doing some remodeling. Chip and Joanna are the best.