How I Got Here

A little personal history that explains a lot.

Welcome to a new week. I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was spent doing a lot of chores, including cleaning out clothes that no longer fit me—which I will get to later in this newsletter.

For those new here, now and then, I write a personal essay about something that’s on my mind. Today, it is about how some people react to a perception of me that’s not necessarily true. It’s not a bad thing, but I want to explain my trajectory over the past few years.

Over the past few months, I've heard “You seem to be everywhere” and “You are really busy” frequently. It’s always strange to be on the receiving end of these comments because I am the only one (besides my family) who knows what I am doing and when. My nature is to over-explain myself, which I am working on, but I figured this was as good a forum as any to share some of what I have been through and how those situations pushed me to do more for myself.

Let’s take a trip back to my days working in-house, circa 2006-2016. While some of those years were pretty good, most of them were stressful and emotionally draining. Between 2006 and 2010, I had a miscarriage, had another baby (my daughter), suffered from severe post-partum depression, lost my mom, lost my father-in-law, and lost my brother. Thankfully, I had a staff who supported a boss who, at least back then, showed some empathy. As hard as I tried, I don’t think I covered up the decline of my mental health very well to those close to me. At work, I was “highly functional,” ensuring that things got done and bestselling books were made.

In 2010, I decided to go freelance, which was a mistake and cost me a lot of money. I didn’t know enough to run my own business back then, but my kids were young, and I wanted to be around more, so I rented a little office for a couple of years and made the best of it. It was pretty terrible, if I’m being honest. I felt isolated and had no idea how to create various revenue streams for myself. My saving grace was an old boss hiring me to cover someone’s maternity leave at Dutton. It made me feel at home. Then, in 2013, I was hired as the Publicity Director at Weinstein Books (yes, THAT Weinstein), which was part of Perseus Books Group. Not long after that, I started working at Running Press in Philly as their VP of Marketing and Publicity. It was a nice change of pace from working in NYC, and I was still under the Perseus umbrella, which I loved. In fact, my favorite job in publishing was at Running Press. I loved the office and the people, but I couldn’t sustain the commute—two hours each way—or the salary.

When an Associate Publisher job opened at Rodale Books in 2016, I jumped on it. I was hired at a salary of $165K, the highest amount I ever earned in-house in publishing. I was relieved to move away from publicity and into a role that I thought would lead me to become a Publisher, which has always been my dream. Five months into the Rodale job, things were so toxic that I quit on the spot, something I had never done. I am a planner. When I was a senior in college, I knew I wanted to work in book publishing and had a job lined up before I graduated. Any time I left a job, I had a plan. Not this time. I packed my things, got my car out of the garage, and promptly drove to midtown Manhattan for…an interview. I was crying so hard in Starbucks that my nose started bleeding. I barely remember the interview (I didn’t get the job), but I do remember feeling like my career was over, and that “everyone” knew what had just gone down. It was the beginning of my great unraveling. I sat in my basement for about three weeks watching Gossip Girl while catatonic.

I wasn’t in a financial position to quit a job on the spot. Luckily, a friend threw me a lifeline, and I became a literary agent. Talk about a job I was ill-suited for! When you do PR, you must move fast. It’s go-go-go until you steal some time to breathe. Being an agent had its fast-paced moments, but it was largely not for me, mostly because it took forever to make money, which I needed badly. I won’t get into the particulars, but quitting Rodale put my family in a precarious financial position, and we lost everything. Things came to a head in July 2017, when I attempted to take my life because I didn’t think I was doing any good by being alive. After a short stint in a psychiatric hospital, I convinced a psychiatrist I was fine (I wasn’t), and he discharged me. It’s important to note that I have been in therapy and on medication since 2008, but even those things can’t help sometimes.

In 2018, I left agenting behind and was essentially unemployed for the first time in my adult life. So much of my self-worth was tied to my career that I didn’t know who I was without it. My husband made an executive decision to move us to the Jersey Shore, on the water and near my family, so that I could have a bigger support system, and some calm. I sank into the worst depressive episode of my life, and entered outpatient treatment for a year. I did nothing except focus on my mental health, which saved my life. DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is specifically the reason I am alive today. In outpatient, you are on an even playing field with everyone. I met recovering drug addicts, survivors of suicide attempts, and women in abusive relationships. What mattered was that we all listened to each other and created a safe space to heal. I wasn't sure what I’d do when I was discharged.

I spent a lot of 2019 applying for publishing jobs that I didn’t get. It was disheartening, so I applied for corporate communications positions and was almost hired by Accuweather (can you imagine!). One day, I was on Indeed and saw a job posting for a publicity position at Skyhorse Publishing. I didn't know much about the company, and because there were no other job prospects, I didn’t Google it. After two interviews, I was hired as Publicity Director, a job I kept for three years. People have their own opinions about Skyhorse, but what I can say is that they hired me when no one else would, and my experience there seems to have been different from the accounts I've read. Granted, I spent the pandemic working for the company, which totally burnt me out, but still, I probably learned more about publishing working there than anywhere else.

When I felt like I had outgrown Skyhorse, I started looking for another job, except this time, I was 50. Without fail, every position I interviewed for was given to someone 15 years my junior. I had to make a decision: I would bet on myself. I had already failed spectacularly at Rodale, didn’t do great as an agent, and knew I didn’t want to put myself through the humiliation of going through several interview rounds just because.

There is a great line in the show Billions, where the character Chuck Rhoades says to his nemesis Axe, "The only enemy more dangerous than a man with unlimited resources, is one with nothing to lose." At that point, I had nothing to lose, so I reincarnated KMSPR. I had no capital, no clients, and no idea how I’d make it work, but I knew I could do it. My spouse and therapist weren’t fans of this idea because of what happened years before. In my head, I kept repeating, “Watch me.”

I wish I could tell you exactly what clicked in my head over the past three years that helped. One thing I did, which I highly recommend, is eliminate toxic people from my life. It’s amazing how much space your brain has when you don’t have to worry about how someone else will act. Something else that helped was letting go of whatever I thought people’s opinions of me were. For years, I carried around the feeling that I was disliked in the publishing industry because I didn’t neatly fit into the box of what a publishing person should be. I wasn’t a “company person.” I used to look at that as a weakness. It’s actually a strength.

The past few years were not easy. There were long bouts of depression. There was talk of me going inpatient at one point. There was a feeling of being lost. Somehow, I found it within myself to fight. I wanted my company to do well. I wanted to start a newsletter. I wanted to start author education classes. As I did all these things, something amazing happened: people wanted to talk to me about the publishing industry. They listened. I spent years in meetings where I was, in many ways, dismissed, and would feel bad about myself the rest of the day. I entered a new phase, and I am still processing all of it.

In December 2025, I had gastric sleeve surgery. I had gained a lot of weight due to various emotional stressors, and my bloodwork showed that I was firmly in pre-diabetic and heart attack territory. The extra weight gave me social anxiety, so I was the queen of canceling plans. I didn’t want anyone to see me at my heaviest because it felt like another failure. The surgery was the best thing I could have done for myself. I am now 40 pounds lighter, and much of my confidence has returned. The drastic diet changes I’ve made have put my depression into remission. During my recovery, I promised myself that I would throw myself into my business, finish my MA program (I earned my MBA at age 50), and start teaching at the college level. Done, done, and done.

I think the thing people miss when they say I am everywhere or that I am very busy, is that I enjoy all of this because it was the most unlikely outcome for me. When you hear me on a podcast, it’s because I recorded the interview a while ago. Sometimes, more than one podcast interview drops at once. NPR taped an interview with me about a week before it aired. When journalists call me to discuss publishing, I am never sure when their stories will run, but I am happy to lend my voice to their pieces. I enjoy being on panels because I have never been asked to be on one before. Plus, I love meeting people in person now. The author course I teach is one of my favorite things to do. I’m building communities for writers, and right now, that is important work. I also love teaching undergrads at Fairleigh Dickinson. We have fun in my class.

What I am getting at is that I have fought hard for the space I occupy. I’ve created a lane for myself because I didn’t see one that already existed. Do I work a lot? Yes, I do, but I also run my own company, and anyone who does that is pretty much at it 24/7. I am often on my laptop before 7 am EST, and I don’t wrap up my day for another 12 or 13 hours.

I’m lucky to have a supportive spouse (and kids) who has excellent healthcare and a good salary. Moving to the Jersey Shore was the best thing we did. Our house was not nearly as expensive as it would have been in Northern New Jersey; we have an in-ground pool, and we are right on the bay. My family is close, and that has been wonderful.

I have a lot in the works, the biggest of which is writing a book as an extension of this newsletter. It will not be a collection of material from here. It will be original, and the title will be something like Publishing Confidential: An Insider’s Guide to Launching, Marketing, and Building a Career that Lasts (don’t hold me to this title/subtitle). I’ll have more news about it soon. Great things are coming for KMSPR and my author course. When the time is right, you’ll be the first to know.

Right now, I need more coffee.

—Kathleen