Kathleen, since your outer persona is so confident and successful, it makes us "mere humans" feel solidarity with you in your struggles. There's a lot to unpack under there with all the questions we have to ask ourselves about why we are so mean to ourselves when that little grub we are inside really needs validation and self-love.
I always thought gratitude lists were cliche until I changed the writing prompt to : things that went right. Just listing the wins not the whinging puts them front and center. We are evolutionarily predisposed to remember the negative but reminding oneself about the stuff that went right is the antidote to feeling so bad. I have to remind myself that yes, I have screwed up, forgotten shit, lost my cool, or whatever, but I've also been a good wife, a loving mother, a friend in good and bad times, and even at times, a good writer :-) With you in spirit.
Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of this is common for authors too - perhaps that’s why they can be so mean to the people working on their books. “Hurt people hurt people.”
I only have more appreciation and respect for you in your openness to share all this. I'm glad you're taking the steps you need to support yourself. I know you're probably tired of reading books you don't need to for work, but if you get the chance, I highly recommend No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz to you. It's been life-changing for me in deeply empowering ways. Sending care and respect your way!
Thank you for sharing this. I hope no one has responded critically/negatively. I think a lot of us in this industry are, in addition to being deeply invested in the work, big feelers. In my experience being a big feeler is all well and good when you're on top of the world. When you hit the other end of the seesaw it can get a little scary. I have the benefit of having gone to art school, so I have a pretty realistic perspective on this life and also a pretty thick skin when it comes to criticism. But we shouldn't shy away from talking about the reasons that thick skin can feel so necessary. Someone will read this and feel less alone and overwhelmed. Glad you reached out to your friend, she sounds like a good one.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, but so glad you wrote about it. Please do take care of yourself—perfectionism & “good-ism” can add up to chronic pain or illness. Everything else can wait 🫶🏻
Wow. Thank you for this. I am a new subscriber. I write a Substack as well, Perpetual Motion. I took your class at the recent WFWA Virtual Summit… i wanted to say thank you for your insights…but also, thank you for shedding a light on what a book publicist goes through. I had no idea how hard you work, nor how abusive your role can be. Eye opening. Thanks for a great class.
Although I don't have such a huge workload, I am quite aware of the burnout and suicidal thoughts. And what you are going through reminds me of a friend who is a secondary school teacher, a mother & wife, teaches lessons outside of school, tutors students, has a wine brewery, and is studying for a BS online. As friends, we make space for her to just relax and vibe because she has a lot on her table. Oh, and last year into this year, her father had a health scare and moved in with her and her family.
I don't know if it's because we are taking on a lot instead of reducing or we've tied our worth so tightly to what we do but sometimes, all that can be done is to stop and allow of bodies to release that pent up energy.
TLDR: love and light from the edge of the Atlantic.
Thank you for sharing so honestly about what it's like to be a publicist. It gives those of us who aren't insights into what it feels like to be in your shoes. And I bet you just helped a lot of others to feel less alone
Oh my goodness. Kathleen, thank you so much for sharing this. As an indie author, I've tried very hard to be the kind of client that agents, publicists and marketing people want to work with. We should all think of book publishing as a team effort. Kindness and patience are of paramount importance. I'm amazed at all you've got going on and would echo your therapist.
As a recovering overachiever/perfectionist, it's my belief that sometimes we Type A people need a big bump to help us to reorient ourselves. It's my hope for you that this was that bump and you know that you are loved and supported as you navigate the path ahead.
Thanks so much. It was definitely a turning point. Now, if weather permits, I am in my pool by 6:30 PM, no exceptions. Swimming helps a lot. I'm still working on untangling my self-worth from my profession.
Hugs and hugs and hugs. I’ve been on the floor sobbing, I’ve been where you were. It takes ENORMOUS strength to get up, acknowledge the deep dark and keep going to get back to the light. Your gift to everyone is having done that.
I have a semi colon tattoo- the literary symbol of a sentence continuing. Many of us who’ve fought the darkness wear it- and when we see it in others we know that they’ve also battled the darkness. Project Semicolon is one of the organizations dedicated to providing mental health resources.
Thank you for your beautiful writing- and for staying around. 🤗
Just wanted to say I'm glad you're in a better place. Brave post, thanks for sharing, it's gotta be just what someone needs to hear. 🙏
Thank you.
Forgot to mention a book recommendation that might help you.It got me unblocked from writing about a traumatic experience. It's Untangling by Ann Cornell Weiser. Remember that all things are woo-woo until they work. https://www.amazon.com/Untangling-Transform-Whats-Impossibly-Stuck/dp/B0D3QXGF98/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1333709980009555&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.w5L44QI9NlwruJvBr1aqy1dl_Oz-GgzG3cJoeiFHJAGXa_Se06cM7hf4BP6_hrX7ZmHkAsaJvMSc2CafX4zcBMpYxIN7cd0Mrb8Z6FzlKtw.DaOV7niRsPLrkfMKWzlTqGhukuJLUCWaPFNCHBNzw1k&dib_tag=se&hvadid=83357130651294&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=111850&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-83357978838376%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=8269_13501935&keywords=ann+weiser+cornell+untangling&mcid=b811d70951c03126860cadee15b4b640&msclkid=016bfc598ffd18a08f779438c059f4f7&qid=1751207847&sr=8-1
Kathleen, since your outer persona is so confident and successful, it makes us "mere humans" feel solidarity with you in your struggles. There's a lot to unpack under there with all the questions we have to ask ourselves about why we are so mean to ourselves when that little grub we are inside really needs validation and self-love.
I always thought gratitude lists were cliche until I changed the writing prompt to : things that went right. Just listing the wins not the whinging puts them front and center. We are evolutionarily predisposed to remember the negative but reminding oneself about the stuff that went right is the antidote to feeling so bad. I have to remind myself that yes, I have screwed up, forgotten shit, lost my cool, or whatever, but I've also been a good wife, a loving mother, a friend in good and bad times, and even at times, a good writer :-) With you in spirit.
Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of this is common for authors too - perhaps that’s why they can be so mean to the people working on their books. “Hurt people hurt people.”
Thanks for sharing. I’m always in for the honest and personal. This industry can be brutal. I’ve been there before too. So glad you’re okay now too. 🫶
Thank you for trusting us enough to share so personally. ❤️🙏🏽💫
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, Kathleen. I’ve been there too, and I’m glad you’re okay.
I only have more appreciation and respect for you in your openness to share all this. I'm glad you're taking the steps you need to support yourself. I know you're probably tired of reading books you don't need to for work, but if you get the chance, I highly recommend No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz to you. It's been life-changing for me in deeply empowering ways. Sending care and respect your way!
Thank you for sharing this. I'm so glad you're okay.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope no one has responded critically/negatively. I think a lot of us in this industry are, in addition to being deeply invested in the work, big feelers. In my experience being a big feeler is all well and good when you're on top of the world. When you hit the other end of the seesaw it can get a little scary. I have the benefit of having gone to art school, so I have a pretty realistic perspective on this life and also a pretty thick skin when it comes to criticism. But we shouldn't shy away from talking about the reasons that thick skin can feel so necessary. Someone will read this and feel less alone and overwhelmed. Glad you reached out to your friend, she sounds like a good one.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, but so glad you wrote about it. Please do take care of yourself—perfectionism & “good-ism” can add up to chronic pain or illness. Everything else can wait 🫶🏻
Wow. Thank you for this. I am a new subscriber. I write a Substack as well, Perpetual Motion. I took your class at the recent WFWA Virtual Summit… i wanted to say thank you for your insights…but also, thank you for shedding a light on what a book publicist goes through. I had no idea how hard you work, nor how abusive your role can be. Eye opening. Thanks for a great class.
Thank you!
Sending love and light your way.
Although I don't have such a huge workload, I am quite aware of the burnout and suicidal thoughts. And what you are going through reminds me of a friend who is a secondary school teacher, a mother & wife, teaches lessons outside of school, tutors students, has a wine brewery, and is studying for a BS online. As friends, we make space for her to just relax and vibe because she has a lot on her table. Oh, and last year into this year, her father had a health scare and moved in with her and her family.
I don't know if it's because we are taking on a lot instead of reducing or we've tied our worth so tightly to what we do but sometimes, all that can be done is to stop and allow of bodies to release that pent up energy.
TLDR: love and light from the edge of the Atlantic.
Thank you for sharing so honestly about what it's like to be a publicist. It gives those of us who aren't insights into what it feels like to be in your shoes. And I bet you just helped a lot of others to feel less alone
Thank you. I've gotten some personal notes that showed me how much this helped some people in the industry.
Oh my goodness. Kathleen, thank you so much for sharing this. As an indie author, I've tried very hard to be the kind of client that agents, publicists and marketing people want to work with. We should all think of book publishing as a team effort. Kindness and patience are of paramount importance. I'm amazed at all you've got going on and would echo your therapist.
As a recovering overachiever/perfectionist, it's my belief that sometimes we Type A people need a big bump to help us to reorient ourselves. It's my hope for you that this was that bump and you know that you are loved and supported as you navigate the path ahead.
Thanks so much. It was definitely a turning point. Now, if weather permits, I am in my pool by 6:30 PM, no exceptions. Swimming helps a lot. I'm still working on untangling my self-worth from my profession.
Hugs and hugs and hugs. I’ve been on the floor sobbing, I’ve been where you were. It takes ENORMOUS strength to get up, acknowledge the deep dark and keep going to get back to the light. Your gift to everyone is having done that.
I have a semi colon tattoo- the literary symbol of a sentence continuing. Many of us who’ve fought the darkness wear it- and when we see it in others we know that they’ve also battled the darkness. Project Semicolon is one of the organizations dedicated to providing mental health resources.
Thank you for your beautiful writing- and for staying around. 🤗
Thank you so much. Funny, I plan to get a semicolon tattoo this summer!