Yes. I help writers self publish. I think we have done three now and have a fourth about ready to go on grief. It is truly a personal path. Just do what feels right for you. My thoughts are with you.
It's tough, maybe this year, you would like to get a real Christmas tree that has its root system and plant it on your property after the holidays! Then each year after that, decorate it in memory of your parents so the energy of the beautiful tree outside can send joy to others passing by. When decorating it, fill it full of all the positive memories. The idea is to transmute the energy from sorrow to joy.
Just a thought, after my mom passed in 2013 in November, I lit a candle on her birthday (Nov. 21) and light it each day through the holidays. Then, on her birthday again, out comes the big candle and we do it all again. She loved the holidays and it helped Dad as he lived another 8 years. It was a very large candle, and I have replaced it twice, always trying to get one that looks identical. Just do something that turns this energy into something positive. I love fall and the warmth of family and memories, and possibilities. Wishing you well as you process this.
Thanks for this. I hit the same shoals every December and it helps me to mimic the stuff that made all the goodness. I used to be so resentful about putting up the Christmas tree. Now I've bought one, and I have a little tipple and cry a little putting it up, but it's also cathartic and the family likes it, it reminds them of their gramma's joy. I finally accepted the lesson of how fortunate I was to have had a parent I miss so much.
Thank you for writing this blog. When both parents die it leaves you feeling like an orphan. My father died when I was 21, and he was only 55, my mother died at age 90 in 2008. Both died in the month of August . Last Dec, my only son passed at the age of 45. The grief is intense for all of them, but my son's birthday in Oct and the one year anniversary of his death in Dec will be even harder to face. I will trust in the Lord and am so grateful that I know I will see them again. Still, the grief Iis real.
As someone who is visited frequently by grief’s random knocking on my soul’s door; I understand exactly your thoughts and appreciate you writing them down for all of us too. I especially liked the part that others who aren’t patient with us will someday be in our shoes. I’ve said that a few times out loud to people in my life. Thanks you for being open. This was deeply moving.
I just wanted to thank you for writing this and say I feel you so so much. For me, it’s summer . I hate summer so very much - my grandmother who I was very close to passed away over 17 years ago on August 1 , my father died the very same day 12 years ago, and just this June I lost my mother . Oh, and my wife filed for divorce in July. As a mom of three young kids who are home all the time because we can’t afford camp , I feel so much pressure to make summer what it’s “supposed to be” for my kids- endless fun right? Meanwhile my grief is so heavy, and I feel exhausted all the time and like I’m just failing. And I miss my mom so much it hurts .
I wish you strength and peace as fall approaches- deep breaths and lots of kindness and patience with yourself. Grief is wild . Thank you again for writing this .
This is beautiful and true and I send a hug of solidarity. Sometimes I see my dad in other old men, or I hear something that would have made him laugh, and there is no one to share it with, and the feeling of loneliness chokes me up. The world is full of ghosts, longings, memories only we know, and onward we go through the invisible hurt.
Bless your heart ❤️ I know exactly how you feel I not only have now lost my parents but my very very best friend and only oldest daughter passed away last year right after her birthday at 23years old. And I have been in prisoning myself inside and for over 8 months I don't think I came out of the house and smelled the fresh air or felt the warmth of the sun on my face. I've had to force myself back into the land of the living and it's a struggle every single day. If I didn't have two teenage boys that depend on me I would have been with her by now. But I finally have a want to live life again instead of silently praying not to wake the next day every night as I lay away for hours before drifting off to crazy dreams and nightmares just to awaken with disappointment
that I was still alive to awaken in the first place. But I can thankfully say that I no longer feel like that and pray those days and nights are behind me. An finally look forward to the future. But I still have bad days just like everyone else I can barely make it one or two days without crying for something that reminds me of her thankfully AI photo editing has made seeing what she would look like as a beautiful bride or pregnant with a grandchild I'll never have. I have made so many pictures it's been very therapeutic. Thank you for listening sorry for taking so long but my prayers are with you. Your not alone in your grief
My mom was only 50 when she died in 1997, and I was about the age my kids are now. I don’t want to leave my kids motherless! I had to go through a horrific divorce without my mom. My daughter also went through an extremely difficult and bizarre divorce but by God, I’ve helped her in every way I can. We need our moms long after we grow up. Two years ago, my sister died at 52. She missed the birth of her grandchild. My niece has no mother to turn to. It’s all so sad.
This is beautiful, Kathleen. So beautiful and so relatable. I was diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis in May 2018, but the terrorizing onset began to rage in March. My body continues to keep the score of the spring trauma and the loss of my career as a lawyer. I also lost my dad in May 2023. I continue to learn how to work through my spring grief.
Thank you for sharing this, Kathleen. As the only child of a single parent, I constantly have the thought of my and my dad's mortality at the back of my mind too. I can't imagine the grief you must have gone through (and are still going through) losing both your parents, but I do feel the same guilt for not being there as often with my grandparents. The fact that they are irrevocably physically gone will always bring a fresh wave of grief even though it has been years since they passed. I thank you for sharing your thoughts so that we don't feel alone in our grief and loss, and wish that you find moments of solace and comfort in the knowing that your parents live on forever in your heart.
I so identify with this, especially the childhood fear of losing them, the defense mechanism of distancing as an adult, and the regret later. Ditto to all of that. 💔
I am new to my own cycle of grief, but I think staring at the ocean… is important self care. Wishing you an easier fall.
Yes. I help writers self publish. I think we have done three now and have a fourth about ready to go on grief. It is truly a personal path. Just do what feels right for you. My thoughts are with you.
It's tough, maybe this year, you would like to get a real Christmas tree that has its root system and plant it on your property after the holidays! Then each year after that, decorate it in memory of your parents so the energy of the beautiful tree outside can send joy to others passing by. When decorating it, fill it full of all the positive memories. The idea is to transmute the energy from sorrow to joy.
Just a thought, after my mom passed in 2013 in November, I lit a candle on her birthday (Nov. 21) and light it each day through the holidays. Then, on her birthday again, out comes the big candle and we do it all again. She loved the holidays and it helped Dad as he lived another 8 years. It was a very large candle, and I have replaced it twice, always trying to get one that looks identical. Just do something that turns this energy into something positive. I love fall and the warmth of family and memories, and possibilities. Wishing you well as you process this.
Thanks for this. I hit the same shoals every December and it helps me to mimic the stuff that made all the goodness. I used to be so resentful about putting up the Christmas tree. Now I've bought one, and I have a little tipple and cry a little putting it up, but it's also cathartic and the family likes it, it reminds them of their gramma's joy. I finally accepted the lesson of how fortunate I was to have had a parent I miss so much.
Thank you for sharing this, Kathleen. I hope this autumn, and each one after that, gets easier for you.
Thank you for writing this blog. When both parents die it leaves you feeling like an orphan. My father died when I was 21, and he was only 55, my mother died at age 90 in 2008. Both died in the month of August . Last Dec, my only son passed at the age of 45. The grief is intense for all of them, but my son's birthday in Oct and the one year anniversary of his death in Dec will be even harder to face. I will trust in the Lord and am so grateful that I know I will see them again. Still, the grief Iis real.
Much love to you.
As someone who is visited frequently by grief’s random knocking on my soul’s door; I understand exactly your thoughts and appreciate you writing them down for all of us too. I especially liked the part that others who aren’t patient with us will someday be in our shoes. I’ve said that a few times out loud to people in my life. Thanks you for being open. This was deeply moving.
Thank you.
I just wanted to thank you for writing this and say I feel you so so much. For me, it’s summer . I hate summer so very much - my grandmother who I was very close to passed away over 17 years ago on August 1 , my father died the very same day 12 years ago, and just this June I lost my mother . Oh, and my wife filed for divorce in July. As a mom of three young kids who are home all the time because we can’t afford camp , I feel so much pressure to make summer what it’s “supposed to be” for my kids- endless fun right? Meanwhile my grief is so heavy, and I feel exhausted all the time and like I’m just failing. And I miss my mom so much it hurts .
I wish you strength and peace as fall approaches- deep breaths and lots of kindness and patience with yourself. Grief is wild . Thank you again for writing this .
Thank you for reading it. I am sending you love.
This is beautiful and true and I send a hug of solidarity. Sometimes I see my dad in other old men, or I hear something that would have made him laugh, and there is no one to share it with, and the feeling of loneliness chokes me up. The world is full of ghosts, longings, memories only we know, and onward we go through the invisible hurt.
Thank you---and yes, same with my dad.
Bless your heart ❤️ I know exactly how you feel I not only have now lost my parents but my very very best friend and only oldest daughter passed away last year right after her birthday at 23years old. And I have been in prisoning myself inside and for over 8 months I don't think I came out of the house and smelled the fresh air or felt the warmth of the sun on my face. I've had to force myself back into the land of the living and it's a struggle every single day. If I didn't have two teenage boys that depend on me I would have been with her by now. But I finally have a want to live life again instead of silently praying not to wake the next day every night as I lay away for hours before drifting off to crazy dreams and nightmares just to awaken with disappointment
that I was still alive to awaken in the first place. But I can thankfully say that I no longer feel like that and pray those days and nights are behind me. An finally look forward to the future. But I still have bad days just like everyone else I can barely make it one or two days without crying for something that reminds me of her thankfully AI photo editing has made seeing what she would look like as a beautiful bride or pregnant with a grandchild I'll never have. I have made so many pictures it's been very therapeutic. Thank you for listening sorry for taking so long but my prayers are with you. Your not alone in your grief
My mom was only 50 when she died in 1997, and I was about the age my kids are now. I don’t want to leave my kids motherless! I had to go through a horrific divorce without my mom. My daughter also went through an extremely difficult and bizarre divorce but by God, I’ve helped her in every way I can. We need our moms long after we grow up. Two years ago, my sister died at 52. She missed the birth of her grandchild. My niece has no mother to turn to. It’s all so sad.
Thank you for sharing.
I lost both of my parents in their 60s. One 2 years ago, the other 8. It ebbs and flows.
This is beautifully written, Kathleen.
Thank you, Meg!
This is beautiful, Kathleen. So beautiful and so relatable. I was diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis in May 2018, but the terrorizing onset began to rage in March. My body continues to keep the score of the spring trauma and the loss of my career as a lawyer. I also lost my dad in May 2023. I continue to learn how to work through my spring grief.
Sending you love as you reclaim fall.
Thank you and sending you love.
Thank you for sharing this, Kathleen. As the only child of a single parent, I constantly have the thought of my and my dad's mortality at the back of my mind too. I can't imagine the grief you must have gone through (and are still going through) losing both your parents, but I do feel the same guilt for not being there as often with my grandparents. The fact that they are irrevocably physically gone will always bring a fresh wave of grief even though it has been years since they passed. I thank you for sharing your thoughts so that we don't feel alone in our grief and loss, and wish that you find moments of solace and comfort in the knowing that your parents live on forever in your heart.
Thank you so much. I truly get what you are going through.
Sending you love and well wishes. 🫶🏻 I lost my Dad in February and the experience is indescribable. Living without loved ones is so difficult. 💔💞
Much love to you.
I so identify with this, especially the childhood fear of losing them, the defense mechanism of distancing as an adult, and the regret later. Ditto to all of that. 💔